Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
