Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize