he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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