also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
