He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize