If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
