He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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