the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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