Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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