there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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