When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
