Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
