a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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