I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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