Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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