last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
