I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
