Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
