Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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