Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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