One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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