i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
