Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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