You just made me feel so damn special
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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