I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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