Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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