my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
