she was so not down for the gang bang
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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