He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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