I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
