Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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