ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize