ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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