i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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