He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
