Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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