im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
