I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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