the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
