I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
