I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
