I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
