She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
