I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
