I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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