Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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