made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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