Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
