She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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