I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
40s are totally the cure
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
