I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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