just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
