I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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