The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
