I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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