No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
