Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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