Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
