were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
