I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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