what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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