People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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