Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
