Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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