Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
