Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
