What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
