I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
