Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
