I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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