We named our party play list daddy issues
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
