Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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