mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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