Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
