I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize