found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
