help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
