Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
